I Wonder ... Chapter #2 - Letting Go of Perfectionism: A Parenting Journey with Lauren Lewis

"The moment I became a mom, everything changed. I think that is something I kind of underestimated because of the abundance of love and the need to protect that I felt. But there was also a wave of fear and worries, wanting to be as perfect as I could be, realising that every decision I make in my life has an impact on my child’s life. Everything I do, breathe, and think is for my child. Sometimes I wonder if I can really let go of that perfectionism because I know deep down that I’m already doing the best that I can, and that is enough,” wondered Lauren Lewis, in the second episode of "I Wonder… Raising the Future Together."

Lauren Lewis is a model, content creator, and mom who brings authenticity and creativity to everything she does. Known for her down-to-earth vibe, love of DIY projects, and colourful and casual-chic style, Lauren is an adventurous spirit who inspires others to enjoy the unexpected. In this episode, we get a glimpse into Lauren’s world of motherhood and the creation of the new Billie Wonder x Lauren Lewis capsule collection: Blossom.

Lauren shared an intimate aspect of her motherhood in our "I Wonder…" series chapter #2. “I wonder… how much of my perfectionism I can continue to let go of in my parenthood.”

Perfectionists always aim for the highest standards. In parenting, perfectionism can be defined as wanting to achieve the very best for their kids, believing that “good enough” is not actually enough. Are you falling into the perfectionist trap?

Signs of Perfectionism in Parents
Recognising these traits can help you find a balance:

High Expectations: Do you find yourself hoping that you or your child excels at everything, all the time?
Impact: This can sometimes lead to added stress as you strive to meet those high standards. It's natural to feel self-doubt after a setback, which can be tiring and overwhelming.

Concern About Mistakes: Do you worry that if things don’t go perfectly, it might reflect on your abilities as a parent? Do small setbacks affect you for the whole day?
Impact: This concern can make decision-making more challenging, causing you to spend extra time analysing options and possibly hesitating to act, which can be exhausting.

Need for Order and Control: Do you feel the need for everything to be organized and orderly, with little tolerance for mess or spontaneity?
Impact: This preference for order can sometimes make it harder to enjoy the simple pleasures of parenting, leading to increased stress and reducing the spontaneity in daily life.

By being aware of these tendencies, you can approach parenting with more kindness toward yourself, allowing room for flexibility and joy.

Tips for letting go of perfectionism

If you recognise these signs, don't worry—you're not alone. Here are a few tips to help you break free from perfectionism:

1.) Don’t compare to anyone else: 

3.) Relax and Enjoy the Moment

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Enjoy the moments with your child, even if things don't go as planned. Sometimes, the best memories come from unexpected detours. If things go off the rails, go with the flow!

In the end, perfectionism passed down from generation to generation or from the environment that parents grew up in, would only be more counterproductive than beneficial. This is because of the immense negative effects mentally and physically on children and parents, manifesting as overwhelming self-doubt, and relentless anxiety about getting everything right.

“After all, it's about pure love. It's often good enough as you do it” - Lauren Lewis.
Parenting is centred around unconditional love and doing your best to nurture your children. As Lauren notes, it's often enough to simply try your best, even if things don’t turn out as perfect. When you let go of the need for perfection, you give your child the gift of your presence. They don't need everything to be perfect—they just need you. So when things go off-script, go with it.

Remember, parenting is about the long haul. It's about building a strong bond with your child, not about ticking off a checklist of achievements.

Although you want the best for them, it’s important to keep in mind that it takes time and resilience for children to grow. By embracing this mindset, you can create a safe environment that encourages growth and resilience for your children.